Sex & Intimacy
Cherry blossom branch, copyright Carolyn Gibson Smith
Sex and intimacy are shaped by a combination of emotional, relational, physical, and contextual factors. When these elements fall out of sync (or if they’ve never been in sync in the first place), intimacy can begin to feel uncertain, pressured, or difficult to navigate.
You may be noticing:
Changes in desire or arousal
Difficulty communicating needs or boundaries
A sense of disconnection, either emotionally or physically
The impact of stress, relationship dynamics, or life circumstances on intimacy
Lots of people also carry a degree of self-doubt or shame in this area, especially when their experience does not match what they feel it “should” be, or want it to be.
How We’ll Approach This Work
We will work to expand our understanding of intimacy as something shaped by context, emotional safety, stress, relational dynamics, and the ability to remain connected to yourself within closeness.
A useful way of understanding desire is through the idea of “accelerators and brakes.” Certain conditions support openness and responsiveness, while others—such as stress, pressure, unresolved tension, or feeling unsafe—can quickly shut things down. Identifying what is influencing these responses is often a key part of the work.
We will look closely at how intimacy is unfolding in your life. This may include:
Noticing what supports or inhibits desire and connection
Understanding how attachment patterns shape closeness and distance
Exploring how you respond to vulnerability, uncertainty, or being known
Paying attention to how your body responds in moments of intimacy
Working with the different parts of you that move toward or away from connection
This work is also informed by a feminist and trauma-aware perspective. Experiences of intimacy are shaped by culture, gender, power, and past experience, including what has or has not felt safe, consensual, or possible. These factors are approached with care, without assumption, and at a pace that feels manageable.
I make use of contemporary approaches to sexuality and relationships, including the work of Emily Nagoski, Sue Johnson, Esther Perel, Jessica Fern and David Schnarch.