Addiction & Habit Change
Hand, beer, phone by Collins Lesulie @clesulie
Sometimes the habits that once helped you cope begin to have more consequences than you intended.
You may find yourself relying on alcohol, cannabis, overeating, shopping, pornography, gaming, or social media to manage boredom, stress, loneliness, anxiety, grief, or a sense of emptiness.
These behaviours can provide real relief in the short term. But over time they begin to affect your health, your relationships, and your confidence in your ability to make intentional choices.
Approach
We will approach this work from the perspective that these behaviours are not signs of weakness or a lack of willpower. More often, they are understandable attempts to cope with difficult thoughts, emotions, and past experiences.
We will likely start with some work around why you hope to make change now. We’ll explore any ambivalence and strengthen your own reasons for change, as having strong motivation gives you the best chance for success. Many people feel torn: one part wants life to be different, while another is understandably reluctant to give up something that has offered comfort or relief. The great thinkers around Motivational Interviewing are Miller & Rollnick, but they’re pretty academic reading. Annie Grace’s This Naked Mind is easier reading.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) suggests we not try to eliminate urges or force you to feel differently. Instead, we work on developing the ability to notice cravings, make room for discomfort, and choose actions that are more aligned with what matters most to you. This approach is grounded in the work of Steven C. Hayes and Russ Harris.
Mindfulness and compassion-based approaches remind us that change rarely happens through shame. When a behaviour has become a way to manage discomfort, the first step is often learning to meet that experience with curiosity rather than self-attack. Drawing from mindfulness-based relapse prevention, self-compassion research, and the work of clinicians such as Maté, Neff, Brach, Brewer and more, therapy can help you understand both the habit loop and the human need underneath it.
Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) offers another helpful way of understanding change. The part of you that reaches for a drink, a purchase, or another familiar escape is often trying to protect you from discomfort. Rather than fighting against that part, we work to understand how it is trying to help, and to develop new ways of caring for the underlying needs it has been carrying, drawing on the work of Sykes, Sweezy & Schwartz.
Whether your goal is abstinence, moderation, or simply understanding why a behaviour has become so compelling, therapy can help you respond with greater clarity, flexibility, and self-compassion.
Together, we will work to:
Understand the triggers and patterns that keep the behaviour going
Build practical ways to handle cravings and urges, including alternatives
Reduce shame and self-criticism
Address underlying trauma, grief, or emotional pain
Clarify your values and priorities
Create a life that feels more meaningful than the behaviour itself
A final note…
The aim is not just to stop doing something. It is to understand what the behaviour has been doing for you and to build new ways of coping that leave you feeling more connected, more intentional, and more in control.